Before I met Christ… my life was a mess. My father was in prison for most of his life and mine. In prison he adopted a radicalized form of Nationalism fueled by communist ideology. Ironically, he was a part of the most infamous day in this prison’s history. My mother attended U.C. Berkeley where she studied law. She became the head of the Blk Student Union. It was there that she met Angela Davis and, like my father, was introduced to communism. She was also introduced to drugs and became addicted. Needless to say, under the instruction of two troubled parents with that history–I was filled with plenty of philosophies of the world but very little knowledge of God. Even around my mother’s family who were all college educated, there was never any faith based teaching. Like many Americans, especially Blk Americans, their focus was on self reliance. “You gotta pull yourself up by your bootstraps”. 

Although I did not grow up in the church, as far back as I can remember, I believed there was a higher power. I also remember that in every significant encounter I had with a believer I could tell their was a difference in their spirit–an unexplainable joy despite their circumstances. So despite surviving a traumatic childhood and rebellious teens I pulled myself together on my own strength, or so I believed. I was working at a home for mentally disabled adults and providing for my children, but I knew something was missing. I could not find peace. Just before coming to prison I was in a real funk. I remember riding down Figueroa street in South Central Los Angeles on a gloomy Sunday morning. Everybody I passed walking or in the cars beside me appeared to be in that same funk. Everybody except the crowd coming out of one church. Then as I continued down the street, a second church, and a second crowd. They were smiling, laughing and hugging one another. They had that same unexplainable joy. 

After coming to prison I bumped my head against every wall I could find until I finally hit rock bottom and found out that it hit back. I was almost at the point of no hope. A quote from Pastor Rick Warren perfectly describes where I was at: “you never know God is all you need until God is all you have.” 

Armed with this revelation I was released from the hole and I was housed with a good Christian brother named Danifu (Danny) Stallworth from Long Beach. It was through his hospitality that I was able to feel God’s love. 

You see, I didn’t realize I needed Christ until I learned who Christ is. That’s when I felt that peace He talked about in St John 14:27. When I was invited to church I witnessed the Holy Spirit at work and found the source of that joy. With new eyes…I started to study the Bible and was able to use a different measuring stick on both my parent’s belief systems and the philosophies I encountered.

I started attending church regularly at Lancaster prison before being transferred here to San Quentin. With these new eyes I spotted a sign on the wall in Badger Unit saying “marriage and family counseling” That sign led me to Gateway Seminary. Two years later I am a Youth Offender Program (Y.O.P.) mentor; facilitator for Arms Down; A.I.D.A.; and E.L.I.T.E. I am also a part of Transformative Mediation; V.O.E.G; Reflections; No More Tears; and E.A.T. All these groups are helping me to gain emotional intelligence and deescalation skills to help myself as well as my community to heal from years of trauma.

I am most proud of the fact that on July 26, 2024 I graduated with a diploma in Christian Ministry, and although my mom, who passed away in 2022, was not here to witness it, I am comforted by the fact that she too had found Christ. God is good.

I am a husband, father of four and grandfather to a beautiful baby girl. So, after spending 20 years in prison my prayer is to return home in 2027.